Its a moment no mother forgets, the time where you your baby is born and all you crave is to meet them and to hold them in your arms. But in this circumstance things were a little different for me. Both my babies were born early and when they were born they were quickly taken away from me for investigation. I could hear their cry but was yet to see their face and when I did get to hold them it was not for long.
They both had to visit the NICU, for being premature and for being unwell. My time spent with them was distant and always observed. And the day I had to go home without my babies, was a day of utter heart break. A feeling no mother unless been there can describe. Even thinking about the pain up until this day brings me to tears.
It was 12:00am, I was alone in bed, no baby and I was trying to bring my milk in. I was sitting there with the noise of an expressing machine and a photo of my baby. It was all so un-natural. People would say ‘it is ok’, ‘at least you can go for coffee’ or ‘don’t worry they are in the best care’. But none of that was reassuring, my baby wasn’t with me and that is all I understood.
I would look at my little one, bundled up with wires and lights and somehow wanted to show them how much I care, . Every time I rushed through those doors and raced to their crib I would get there and whisper ‘don’t worry, Mummy is here’ just hoping they could hear me. Amongst the beeps and the alarms did they even know I was there?
I would sit by their side holding their hand whilst studying my nursing for hours and hours on end. At night they would fall asleep on my chest skin to skin and I would also doze off and for a moment things felt the way they should… until I got the nudge from the nurse who would whisper ‘go home and get some rest’.
All I craved was to hold my baby in my arms on my own, without machines, without other parents and without nursing staff. Just me and my baby. I still remember the first night for both of them where we got to stay over in the hospital in a private room in preparation for home time. I held them and I did not let go. Amongst the silence and the privacy I felt their heart beat against mine and I heard the sounds of their breath. Tears rolled down my face. From joy and happiness.
Our preemie babies walk this earth for a reason and I am so fortunate to say mine are now healthy, happy and strong but we can not say the same for them all. There are angels who once walked this earth that are no longer here but will continue to be in every parents thoughts. WWC Education show our support for all families on World Prematurity Day.
On the 17th November 2016 marks the day to raise awareness on premature birth. According to the National Premmie Foundation each year worldwide 15 million babies are born to soon, with 1 million of those babes sadly loosing the fight for their life. Preterm or premature birth is where a baby is born before 37 weeks and is currently the leading cause of new born death globally and for those little ones that survive this battle they are often faced with development issues and health issues.
To show your support please visit www.prembaby.org.au